Blog

Are You a Shaman?

The title of Shaman has been pushed out of medicine, much to Westerners detriment.   Those who’s mission is to heal through Spirit and Earth, God and Gaia, those born with a healers heart, had to choose from allopathic roles in attempt to live out their soul purpose and heart desire.  Nurses, PSWs, DSWs, therapists, etc, are some common fields shaman-spirits have settled for.  Yet, many of them are left with the knowing that this is not the way they wanted to help or heal.   Confusion sets in as they yearn to be in the healing fields, yet what they see and do on the job gives them no satisfaction.   They are likely incarnated Shamans.  Are you a Shaman?   Here are some key traits I have noticed of my fellow Shamans

1) You Are An Introvert

Shamans have a rich inner life, we dance between worlds all day, and it is damn well exhausting.  We also have heightened awareness and sensation, which means we need more time to process it all.   And aside from that, people who haven’t unlocked their potential can be… annoying.  I know this sounds judge-y, but consider how you feel after hanging out with kids all day.   It’s not meant to put anyone above or below anyone else, we are each learning different things at our own pace.   But the reality is, the majority’s scattered energy and thoughts are tiring and annoying after a while.   Were typically old souls.  We love you youngins’ but after dark go home, we need tea and quiet, just like Grandma.   Ill send you off with a kiss and some cookies but hurry up and go already!

2) Nature Is Necessary

It truly is our church.  The vibration of true, unadulterated nature is the only place that feels like home.  When man-made world pulls our frequency down too low,  we need to recharge off Gaia.  It is re-charges our entire being, balances our mind, body and soul.

3) You Don’t Need Validation 

Long story short, we don’t care what others think as far as ego related reasons go.  Yes, I get upset if my friend calls me mean, because I care about how I affected her. I care about my impact, as opposed to my reputation.  We feel out what is ours and what is yours, instead of getting defensive or hurt.  We tend to respond instead of react.  Our goals are to be of service to humanity, so if we know we are doing good in the world, we are at peace, even if our truths hurt your little ego and you don’t like us anymore.  You will never hear someone with a healers heart say their top goal is fame, fortune, power etc.  This is so 3D.   We answer to God and Gaia, if they’re happy with us, then we are happy with us.

4) You Know Deep Inside You Are To Help Heal Humanity

Each Shaman has his own gifts and purpose.  Whether it is to help animals, children, adults or Gaia, we are here to make things better.   You may not know how yet, but you feel it.  How we are meant to help is usually revealed along the path.  Don’t wait to figure it all out,  start with one small step.  Always just one small step at a time.  It all leads back to our contribution to shift humanity back into higher consciousness.  Every bit contributes.  Beware of “healers” who think life is all sunshine and rainbows. If you can’t accept and expose the dark, you have not accepted the state of emergency humanity and Gaia are in.  If a ‘healer’ is uncomfortable in the dark, how can they be familiar with it? Healers and Shamans see clearly societies ills and are compelled to bring attention to darkness.  We may sometimes sound negative but really, we’re focused on what needs help.   Collective consciousness means we are all in this together, if you need a “positive vibes only” bubble around you, if you’re too scared to speak uncomfortable truths, Shamanism is not for you.  See number 3;)

5) You’ve Had a Difficult Path

The kind of difficult path you don’t share often.  It is sacred and private and made you who you are today.    Our Saturn transit finishes in our mid-30’s and because the Shaman has so much about life, pain and healing to learn, we are not ready for our healing roles until after this transit, our mid-30’s.  Unfortunately, most of today’s Shamans are already established in their careers at this point and too afraid to follow their newfound calling.  Just do it, please realize your potential.   The other half are hopelessly depressed and looking for their purpose.  There is no section for ‘Shaman’ when taking a career aptitude test, but that just may be what you are.   Be brave and follow your heart.

6) You’re Energetically Sensitive & Have Mastered Your Own 

And this includes emotions (energy-in-motion).  I’ve felt & heard electricity since childhood.  Mom couldn’t understand why I’d complain about hearing the electricity, hear a light on etc.  I can feel peoples emotions if I choose to tune into them, and sometimes regardless if the energy is strong.  Many Highly Sensitive People (HSP) think they are Empaths.  While HSPs are beginning to feel subtle energies, they are still energetically weak or inexperienced.  It’s like the kindergarten of Empath school.  Yep, you’re feeling stuff but it’s knocking your energetic field over.  I find HSPs’ personal energy fields  to be easily overridden and manipulated.   I can, if I’m being honest, give a HSP anxiety or peace without talking or touching just by directing the frequency their way,  they are actually more easily manipulated than the average Joe, because they are highly feeling (making them easy targets for users and manipulators)  HSPs are the people getting emotionally manipulated and taken advantage of while claiming to be an Empath.  They claim they are givers and just care too much, but really they’re martyrs or co-dependent with little insight.  They may feel others pain, but they don’t know how to maturely handle it.  Empaths see through bullshit, we don’t get duped, and also see #3.   I have a lot of influence over the energy in a room, not the other way around.   Mature Shamans and Empaths have cultivated their energies, learned to control them (including emotions), and manage them before we burn out.  We’re typically calm and satisfied, as opposed to the emotionally frazzled and often distressed HSP.   A Shamans ability to sense, intuit, and work with subtle energies is what makes us of service.

7) You Are Spiritually Gifted With A Siddhis”

Basically, you’re psychic & intuitive.   Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, Clairsentience, Clairscent, Clairempathy, Channeling etc     You just know stuff

8) People Have Always Called you Weird

Or a freak, or a loner.  You get the picture.  You don’t fit in.  I was called weird my whole life (“In a good way Heather” did sort of help the sting)   I didn’t see it but others did.  It wasn’t until my 30’s that I realized I was operating from a different place than my peers.  If you feel different, you probably are.  Embrace it, and if you’re having a hard time doing that, read #3 again.

 

SHAMAN

a person who has access to Spirit and Intuition, can go into trance states of consciousness and encourage healing on the energetic level, believes all healing is through God and Gaia, that the body has the ability to self-heal & self-repair through innate intelligence 

Recognizing The Patterns Of Unseen Emotional Baggage

Clients most often come in with reoccurring issues that they’ve finally had enough of.  This is typical in my wellness practice and others, be it therapy or counselling or guidance of any kind.   We reach out when we recognize a pattern in our life but cant figure out the whys and hows.

These patterns may be string of lovers who always cheat, or partners who don’t value us.  It could be someone with a pattern of losing jobs for the same reason.
Anxiety that’s been plaguing an individual for years despite therapy.
A history of toxic friendships or general lack of motivation.   Or  people with a pattern of substance abuse or addiction.
You get the drift    A common theme that shows up in ones life.
Regardless of the repeating issue,  my process is always the same with these types of healing sessions
Uncovering the root of the pattern.    I do this by connecting to THE CLIENTS SUBCONSCIOUS via the Quantum field.    Of coarse I’m an “intuitive healer”, however these are very specific distortions & issues buried in THE CLIENTS subconscious
After muscle testing we narrow down the exact trapped frequency (which corresponds to an emotion, each one has its own specific frequency) we permanently clear the issue through the governing meridian, our meridian from where all others lead into. The Law Of Attraction is a pretty accurate concept (maybe misunderstood) but it is our frequency that is creating our experience.     Affirmations are nice little reminders of our goals, and counselling can maybe uncover issues after months or years
But at Reiki and Alternative Healing, we get right to the point.    And then we actually clear it, people can literally feel the emotion as it’s brought up.   It doesn’t matter if the client 100% believes it will bring changes or not because it is Actually Energy Healing, we are ACTUALLY removing the distortions from you energetic body, just as real as removing a splinter or tumor.   The results we see using these techniques with animals shows this isn’t a hypnotherapy scam whereby we trick your subconscious for a few weeks until it fades, we really do healing work and the effects multiply over time as the body’s frequency restores to its divine state.  Across the globe these quantum clearing sessions are popular with expensive show and race horses with huge documented success.  I’ve personally worked on several rescue animals and the instant changes are incredible, going from traumatized or despaired, to secure and friendly.    This is true Law Of Attraction.    If you want more information on clearing limiting beliefs and blocks, leaving unseen emotional baggage in the past then check out Emotion Code Healing with Dr.Bradley Nelson or my website for a better understanding of how and why this is true healing.   As a self-healing shaman, Reiki healer, certified EC healer and general Energy Medicine Practitioner who’s been doing this professionally for years, personally for over 20, I have seen hundreds naturally heal disruptions in their life in profound and meaningful ways.   From clearing blocks to love or money, to healing physical dis-eases in the body, & mental health relief of coarse too, this is spirit science🖤  And it’s quicker and cheaper than therapy or years of pills.  Much more effective too, but that’s just my opinion;)   It simply works, and it works profoundly starting from the first session.  Once the trapped emotion is cleared, it doesn’t come back, and in natural and often unexpected ways, we become in alignment with our desires or state of health and balance.
If you’re done repeating lessons and ready to actually change direction, find a legitimate healer and begin this process of clearing and ascension.

Save Your Throat Chakra

I’ve done healing’s with, primarily women, who have very weak throat chakras, sometimes resulting in dis-ease, loss of voice, thyroid dysfunction etc.   I always ask the same question “Are you ‘pleading’ with a partner?”    Only once was it not the case, a middle school teacher who of coarse had to talk & repeat all day.   Otherwise, same story, people who are all talk & no action.  People truly do hear the first time and either choose to ignore, ‘misunderstand’, or make irrelevant excuses.  I’ve lived this myself.   While I was married I constantly had a sore throat, strep throat, viral infections, loss of voice etc.   Because I was constantly pleading and repeating myself, thinking eventually I would be heard, … but I was already heard.   If you wonder why everyone else understands, but this person never does?  Its on purpose.   For no reason should you ever need to repeat, plead or explain basic courtesy and boundaries   Now, when I encounter someone who doesn’t seem to “hear” me the first time, I walk away.  My physical throat dis-eases and illness’s naturally healed when I stopped talking so much and starting acting, or simply explain once and leave them to figure out the rest.   Haven’t had throat issues since I stopped the pleading and just took action.    Our physical dis-eases and illnesses point to where we need healing within our energetic bodies.

Life’s too short to explain toddler-level  lessons to an adult, or repeat our needs to someone who just doesn’t care.   It takes too much effort to keep explaining the same thing to a friend or family member.   And sometimes we allow our selves to be lied to or gas-lighted because we keep trying to plead or mentally reach a partner, instead of realizing your wasting your breath because they are playing dumb or playing you for a chump;)   All talk and no action is not balanced, and the throat energy center  (or “chakra” if you’re Hindu) is what suffers.   It’s so much simpler and productive to say it once and then act accordingly.   Hard pill to swallow, but we teach people how to treat us.   Our partners, friends, family and children, all relationships.   At this point in life people know I say things once and action follows.   If you repeat what you say, you’ve taught them not to listen🖤

Different Types Of Energy Medicine

Energy Medicine is a method of healing where a practitioner transmits healing Subtle Energy, usually through the hands. There are many types of subtle energies and techniques for passing it along or clearing it out.

REIKI

Reiki is just the label a Japanese man gave to the art of energy channeling. I am grateful he did, because it’s given people in the West a label to help us collectively accept our energetic body, which is connected to God/Source, just as much as we have a physical body connected to Gaia/Earth. When I give Reiki, I first bring myself into an energetically sound place, get into prayer/connection mode (in a theta brain wave), then pray to have my crown chakra opened. Now connected to Source, energy flows into my crown & being, then out my hands. I can feel my crown open and my heart pump harder, my body tingles, then I begin moving my hands around a bit to feel the flow. At this point I begin giving the Reiki/channeled energy. You have given me permission to connect energetically, and this energy is passed from me to you, like a tuning fork.  I can see energy often during the session, but I mostly keep my eyes closed so I can feel the energy. This tells me more than colorful light emissions. I can feel pain or strength before the client informs me. I scan and observe the aura more-so during our initial talk or counselling, just to see where they’re at emotionally, and to gauge how strong or weak their bio-magnetic & electric field is.

During a session, as my crown is open, I receive insights and messages to relay to the client. Every practitioner is different, but I’m certainly not woo-la-la in my approach. The insights and revelations and information given always resonate in a very realistic way for the client. During my sessions I often feel into each major energetic center (Chakras) to see where you’re at in that area of life, and then fill each one with high vibration energy. (I never mess with others’ crown Chakra and advise those I can tell have allowed someone else to, to stop. This is your connection to God/Source, and he doesn’t need a Healers help. This is also why it is said you cannot open your own crown chakra, that God does it when you’re ready. If you are unsure if yours opens, say a prayer. Do you feel connected to God? Do you feel his Love or comfort? If so, it is being opened during prayer. It’s like God turned on the connection like a light switch and will do so more often the more you spend time in prayer and meditation. It always closes during times of anger and harsh emotion, even with me. This is why it is said “God does not dwell in an angry home” Its not that anger is always bad, it can be quite productive when done right, however the 2 frequencies do not mesh) I don’t control the frequency, I’m simply a conductor from God/Source to You, as most people have lost their own ability to connect and channel at this point in human history. Though I don’t specifically say this to clients at first, my personal goal in this work is raise human consciousness so that everyone can have their own connection and channel on their own. Each session is a little different, but this is the basis of what Reiki is: A person who is of high vibration, who has acquired control over their own brainwaves (streams of consciousness) with opened crown, acting as conductor and passing the high vibration frequencies on to the client.

EMOTION CODE CLEARING

Where Reiki is giving energy, Emotion Code Clearing is taking away. Using a technique called “applied kinesiology” (a fancy word for what we Shamans simply call “muscle testing”) we uncover subconscious blocks and trapped emotions and clear them out through the governing meridian. Its a powerful way to rid ourselves of unseen energetic baggage permanently, often resulting in the disappearance of physical problems, self-sabotage and recurring relationship problems. We rid trapped emotions that have become part of the spirit body either in your lifetime, or inherited. (Just as we inherit physically, we can inherit energetically. Knowing this helps us understand why & how non-genetic conditions are passed down. I call them spiritually inherited dis-eases) We figure out what specific harmful emotion (Energy-in-Motion) is trapped, as well as the exact year it happened via muscle testing. Simply put, I ask questions and test your muscle strength to get answers from your subconscious. This technique alone has helped many to understand what is either causing or contributing to their dis-ease, without needing dozens of counselling sessions or often incorrect lab work. Once the emotion and time frame are realized, the actual incident which caused the trapped emotion is brought back into the clients conscious mind instinctively. So lets say a client comes in with a sore shoulder, evening anxiety, whatever. I muscle test to see if a trapped emotion is causing the disturbance. Then I figure out what year it became lodged. At this point the client often remarks “Yea that’s about the time it started hurting/happening” I ask the client to tell me what was happening that year and the answer is then brought into conscious awareness, “Oh yea, that’s the year my wife left me. I was devastated.” Sometimes were not exactly sure what happened the year we narrowed it down to. That’s okay, either a hidden memory or something so minor we don’t think it was significant. Sometimes things as simple as being called “Stupid!” by a neighbor can cause a trapped emotion, and a major life event doesn’t. Its not so much the severity of the event that causes the trapped emotion, as it is our ability to emotionally resolve it instead of feeding and holding onto it. True, the worse the event the harder it may be to resolve, so we do see major events coming up more often. However in some sessions it sometimes appears to be minor things that had major effects. It’s a pretty remarkable process, to have a long buried memory brought up and realized for processing. At this point the emotion has been brought to conscious awareness. We can now clear it out. Using a magnet and focused intention I run the magnet along their governing meridian (which all meridians are connected to) to bring out the trapped emotion. I sometimes instead use a specific Quartz crystal for clearing, some respond better to the strong balanced magnet, others clear better with the Quartz. The client often feels the emotion as its being brought to the surface, but relief immediately after clearing. I can usually tell while running the magnet, if the emotion has been cleared by the sigh of relief or deep breaths the client takes during clearing, or the body suddenly becomes soft and sways. I then test the body one more time making sure we released the emotion, and voila, this harmful low vibe energy is now out of your being. It does not return, it is just done. In my opinion, this is the most effective and legitimate form of energy clearing currently, and also the most important part of energy hygiene currently for us Westerners. We are full of trapped emotions and passing them down to each generation. It’s obvious just from looking around, that people around here are getting more unstable, yet we are living in the most abundant times. It’s simply unstable or low vibration frequencies. Its keeping us mentally, physically & spiritually sick. Reiki is nourishing, fun, relaxing, but it we cannot heal our back if the knife is still in it.  True, it raises our frequency for easier healing of the physical, it can sustain us until the problem is gone. But we need to clear out. The process of clearing emotions is not new in most cultures. Shamanism is timeless,  and clearing is seen as routine hygiene.  This emotion code technique has taken these leanings and categorized it for clarity, tested it using new technology like subtle energy detectors, and organized it into a health-care like service.

KI, CHI, PRANA & LIFE FORCE

This is the energy of Gaia. It is the subtle energy produced by Earth. It’s not the same as channeled Source/God energy, which is channeled through an open crown chakra from Source. This is the energy that is all around us, stronger in some places than others. It is the energy we see in Kirlian photography. It’s in the air we breathe. In big cities there is very little nature and so very little Ki/Chi/Prana/Universal Life Force (all the same thing in different languages) This is why we feel so yucky after being in a busy city. Produced by Gaia, it is abundant in nature, hence we feel so healthy after walking in the woods or sitting by the beach. When we eat fresh food, we are ingesting life force as a nutrient. The sooner off the vine, the higher the life force within the fruit. When I do “Quantum Touch” what I am doing is directing this life force to the client. There are many forms of bringing Ki medicine to a client, I just call it Quantum Touch. There are some really cool studies done on how intention alone directs photons and consequently, Ki and subtle energies. Albert Einsteins “double slit” experiment highlights this phenomenon. Simplified, the experiment was set up so there were 2 slits in a material. Using nothing but intention, Mr. Einstein showed that by simply deciding or intending, the photons would go through that slit. So if he set up that test-round so that he wanted the photons go through the right slit, simply by thinking of them flowing though the right slit, they did. Many experiments replicate what Einstein already knew, our thoughts have a direct impact on the physical. It starts on the quantum level. The quantum field has long been a source of theories and wonder. Now as science advances, what others have mocked in past is now being studied and proven by physicists and scientists across the globe. Quantum touch is something most anyone can do, and I often teach parent clients this technique to help heal sick little ones. This Life force is needed by all living animals and plants. Feeling low energy, groggy, slow to heal or think, is often just a lack of Ki.

While there are many forms of Energy Medicine, such as electric pulses used in trauma centers to stabilize brainwaves, or defibrillators used to jump start the hearts electric pulse pattern, to frequency emitters that were used to heal tumors, to sound-wave medical technology, Energy is clearly an important part of healing. Our energetic bodies need nourishment and health if we want our physical bodies to flourish. And as we are also part of the Quantum Field, having a clear & balanced Spirit is imperative to our experience. A clear and healthy Spirit contributes to a clear and healthy life.

Better To Be Left-Brained Or Right?

🔲Left Brain: Logical, the problem solver, the scheduler and builder
🔲Right Brain: Metaphorical, creative, fantasizing and daydreaming

Our left brain Is where our Ego resides.  It figures out the tip at the restaurant for us. It’s who problem-solves how to rescue a dog off an icy lake. It’s where we calculate when to swerve or otherwise handle danger. It is our masculine mind.
The right brain is where we mentally process feeling.  It lights up with good music.  It’s where intuition lives.   It is our feminine mind.
We need both in balance for our Brow energy center (Anja Chakra, if you’re Hindu;)  to open and preform optimally.  Those who claim ego and the left brain to be in any way negative or a hindrance, has an incomplete understanding of the brain, and little appreciation of the Divine Masculine.  Balance Balance Balance.
We need both in Balance for balanced Brow Energy Centres.   Those too much in left, lose out on the colourful life experiences of emotion, flow, and spontaneous creativity.
Those too much in the right are prone to delusions and lack understanding of this reality.  They struggle in real day-to day life to elicit practical change.  They often believe whatever makes them feel good as opposed to using proper judgement.
The key to a healthy psyche is being able to harmonize the hemispheres🖤

There are several ways we can balance the two, and learn to fully utilize both gifts.  Our brains are incredible, at any age we can grow new cells, or change the way we think.  At Reiki and Alternative Healing, one of the first things I focus on is balancing the hemispheres.  I have learned over the years that intuition without reality wont get you far, and that judgement without an ability to sense gives an incomplete picture.  As with everything in life, balance is key.

Why am I Seeing Their Name Everywhere?

Signs, Synchronicities, and the Quantum Field

So, you’ve waken up to the world around you!  And you’re realizing how truly magical it is!  You realize that the universe has been talking to you for a while, and you’re happy to be privy to signs and syncronicities.   From here, I see my friends and clients go down the same path of confusion and disarray.  We live in a quantum universe.  Quantum, to me, IS magic.  The energetic interconnection, the ability to use our consciousness to affect this field, our ability to magically heal our self by tapping into this field, the way two hearts connect and resonate from a distance without ever talking to each other.  Even a single strand of DNA, when separated from our body and moved to the other side of the world, will respond to its hosts body being stimulated as if it were still of the same physical being.  That is connection to the quantum field.   The quantum field is that undefinable, universal mystery that scientists and philosophers alike are so very interested in figuring out. We really have more control over our self and experience then we realize.    So it’s no wonder that as an individual becomes aware of this field, things get confusing.  With books like “The Secret”  many are trying to figure out mysteries using magical thinking, instead of intelligence and intuition.    (Thank God for the teachings in these series, they have contributed greatly to the mass-awakenings we are seeing now.)  Many are being led to believe that we have complete control over our destiny.   We do have substantial influence, but much of that was decided before we incarnated.  Another common and unnerving occurrence we go through when we first start looking for signs is thinking we are seeing signs from the Universe, when really we are thinking about something/one so much, it literally starts appearing in our reality.  I will give you the typical example.  We meet someone and think “Oh my Gosh, this is my soulmate/twin flame/future wife etc”  And we think about them constantly.  We are, if we’re being honest, a little obsessed.  Suddenly, the “Universe” starts giving us “signs”   Now we are sure this is our person, we are even seeing their name EVERYWHERE!  We think about them even more now.   We hear their name being called from a balcony, we find out our neighbors cat has the same name, hell it’s even written on a billboard now just a block from your apartment!  It’s a sign!   And then, she moves away.  Or she rejects your advances.  Or, you get with her and realize you don’t like her anymore.  So what happened?    “The Secret” said that if you really believed it would happen, it would?   The Shaman said look for signs to follow?  Well, my friend, you have taken these messages and deluded yourself.  The Secret mentioned not being specific, right?  Yes, believe there is love out there for you.  Be in the frequency of Love and Love will surround you.   “The Secret” said be open, to humbly leave control and details to the  Greater Intelligence.  Yes, the Shaman said look for signs.  But what happened here is you created them.  I’m not saying you were seeing things that weren’t there.  You know in your heart that was too many signs to be coincidence.   Let me explain:

As we know, our minds have the amazing and undeniable ability to alter the quantum field, and ultimately, the reality we see around us.  (For a basic understanding of this, read up on Einsteins’ famous “Double Slit” experiment, which showed how just our thoughts are able to direct the path of photons)   Well, when we become obsessed with a person, we think about them steady.  We emit this like a radio transmitter.  This in turn, begins to show up in our environment.  Our outer world is reflecting our inner world, and nothing more.  Scientists are finding this tangible reality as they study the quantum field.  In one type of experiment, researchers put a person in a room with a computer and told them to focus on either 1’s or 0’s.  When the computer was examined afterwards, their number choice was reflected in the binary code; significantly more of the focused number within the code. The focused thought changed the reality without physical or spoken instruction.   Research into AI shows similar results, the intent alone influences which direction the AI takes.   And now we see people exclaiming shock as they realize simply thinking about something often results in seeing Facebook, YouTube or online ads of the exact nature.   If you love a man and think of him constantly, you will subconsciously look for his name as well as bring that name into your reality via the quantum field.  I’ve watched so many go through this process of realization, it’s a beginners lesson in The Law Of Attraction.  What you focus on, the frequencies you emit, will be reflected around you.  As the 2nd Law of Karma states “Whatever surrounds us, gives us clues to our inner state”  That is not a sign or synchronicity.   You can’t alter who you are meant to be with.  But you can confuse the hell out of yourself by misinterpreting “signs” for your obsessive results.    The 6th law of karma states “Each step leads to the next step”   To me this is a great way to follow signs.  Signs show us a next step, not a destiny.

Here’s the thing;  if God/Gaia/Source/Universal Intelligence is trying to speak to you, there will be 1 or maybe a few signs pointing you in that direction …. and THAT’S IT!  Remember the saying “The Devil (ego) shouts in your ear, while Angels whisper.   The Universe isn’t taunting you by repeatedly having you rejected, lonely or frustrated.  You are taunting yourself.   What’s meant to be will flow naturally, for better or worse.    Do not wait around for someone to connect with you beyond a reasonable effort.   If its a no-go, THAT is your sign to focus elsewhere!   As the Law of Least Effort teaches us; Natures intelligence functions with effortless ease.  In other words, Joy, Love and Growth happens with carefreeness, not obsessiveness.  Obsessive thoughts are your first clue that this is not harmony.   So let expectations go and take one step in life at a time.