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Forgiveness After Betrayal ~ Should You Even Bother?

Before we get into it, I want to clarify what I mean by “betray” and “forgive”

There’s all kinds of poetic interpretations around forgiveness, many which don’t make any sense to my practical mind. Remember Oprah’s definition of forgiveness? “Forgiveness means giving up hope that things could be any different” Well that just sounds like acceptance to me. For sure, we should at some point come to a place of acceptance with all our grievances. But that doesn’t mean we should also forgive.

Dictionary definitions, yay:

“Betray: An act of deliberate disloyalty”

“Forgive: To stop feeling anger towards or about an offence

To cancel responsibility, to stop requiring repayment

The act of absolving (to set free) someone for having done something wrong

So basically, forgiveness is letting someone off the hook. and not everyone deserves that. For sure, find acceptance for what was, but this does not absolve a person of their actions or betrayals. The victim may still have to deal with the consequences, which can be minimal to life-changing. The offender may be likely to re-offend.

Forgiveness serves to keep people connected after betrayal, in whatever form. In essence, your letting them off the hook (where they were unable to betray again) and trusting them to act appropriately in future.

In our ancestors time, someone who quickly forgave others was seen a threat to the community or family, as undeserved forgiveness would cause eventual harm or damage, and put the family in a position to be exploited or harmed again. They were regarded as fools, or worse.

Now a-days, we hear people carry on like forgiving is an act of Saintly proportions, and a testament to how holy and mature one is. Deluding the self into believing forgiveness will make them an above-average good person, while simultaneously healing the pain of betrayal inside. Unfortunately, I’m afraid this is nothing more than generational gas-lighting and mind-fucking. You must forgive your father. Keep sweet. Always forgive and forget. Have faith, or whatever.

There are times when forgiveness is called for, and it is something we should aspire to in our relationships, but there are certain steps to getting there, requiring both parties effort.  You can accept it/them. But should you forgive them? There’s a path to forgiveness after betrayal. It looks like this:

The Betrayal ~ often an indication of a larger problem. Regardless, a betrayal takes place. Could be cheating, lying, a set-up, an act of negligence or disregard or general disrespect for ones things or self. Whatever it is, your feeling betrayed and have lost trust in the relationship

Outrage ~ From the victim This outrage serves the victim in calling out the betrayer and can help them gain support during this time of hurt and anger. It’s a pretty human reaction that helps us gain perspective and understanding. It also helps the victim during a time when they’ve been knocked down, to get up and brush off the pain of being hurt by a loved one. This is often the time when the victim finally fully recognizes that the actual betrayal as a sign of something bigger, a toxic or abusive relationship dynamic, for example.

Guilt ~ The offender feels Guilt. And they demonstrate this guilt through apologies, behaviours and genuine emotions and empathy. They do what they can to help fix the damage, or offer to help or do something. The offender shows they are truly remorseful so that they can be trusted in the future and welcomed back into the social group

Forgiveness ~ By the victim. When this happens the relationship can repair and the social connection is re-bonded

Notice step 3?  Yea, that’s the part that’s lacking in undeserved forgiveness. That is the determining factor in whether or not one should forgive. When someone says “I’m sorry!” they are simply telling you they’re sorry, and its probably true.  They probably are sorry because now the can’t have access to you or benefit from you.  This doesn’t mean they feel guilt over their act of betrayal, it does not mean they should be trusted. Many times the offender doesn’t feel guilt. Worse, they may even feel resentment towards you. They may feel shame. Guilt is about feeling bad for something you’ve done. Shame is feeling bad for being seen in a negative light. The offender may feel ashamed, but that doesn’t mean they care about how their actions affect others.

Forgiveness is important for healthy social connections and something we absolutely should strive for, but first we need to understand what it means. Many families and friends are simply too toxic or emotionally immature to do their part on the forgiveness path. This is when to hang them on a hook, safe away from our lives, and find acceptance for what is.

If you have trapped emotions of betrayal, resentment, or need help coming to a place of acceptance, Emotion Code and a session with a seasoned healer can help you. Trapped emotions lead to more of the same, and eventual physical manifestations as well, until we release the Karmic energy. Many people believe they just had to forgive a person and they would heal, only to find that it has caused more harm than help. Forgiveness is not necessary to heal, but acceptance & release is.

Emotional Neglect: A Quiet Abuse

Emotional Neglect is hard to articulate, and tricky to unravel. It’s a silent anguish that’s given no sympathy, for there are no bruises, no laws against it, no way for a child to protect them self against it, no commiserating for someone who cannot even explain whats wrong. If a blind person has never seen colours, could they explain what they’re missing? The same problem presents for unloved children, they often didn’t even realize what they were missing until they’re adults,…. if ever.

Love, nurturing and support, these are things we all need to be healthy. For children of emotionally neglectful parents, these are concepts only seen on TV. This isn’t how real people are, we tell ourselves. Then we grow up with anxiety, depression, a lack of security or confidence. We start to notice we don’t have the skills needed to succeed in life. We have a hard time with self-care and emotional regulation. With a trapped emotion of feeling unloved, we begin to manifest partners and friends who mirror our lack. Without a supportive kinship foundation, we manifest what we think we deserve, which isn’t much.

I remember when I was a child, I saw a mother pushing her son on the swing. With my own mother nowhere in sight, as usual, I thought there was something wrong with that kid. Is he disabled? Is his mother a weirdo or something? Why is she playing with her kid? I really thought it was weird. When I went home I told my mother about it, hoping she’d play with me too. Instead she called them “GayLords” It was typical in our home to make fun of functional families, when we weren’t making fun of each other, that is. I began to identify with this behaviour as well, calling people weak or lame, acting like I was proud of my tough up-bringing, and basically became hardened myself. I built a thick Heart-Wall.  Then I had my own children.

Here’s something I was never warned about when having my own kids: All your childhood trauma will become triggered when you are now the parent. I looked into my babies eyes and suddenly I knew what Love was. It wasn’t an easy decade. I spent my 20’s trying to understand why I was so damn sick. Post-partum with each child. Anxiety, fear, anger, self-harming, freaking out, an intense & irrational need to protect my kids. What should have been a beautiful time, was marred by emotional upheaval. And of coarse, eventual physical manifestations as well, I was always nursing an infection or virus. Therapist after therapist who couldn’t quite put their finger on it. No one ever said anything about neglect. Maybe it was a hormonal? Chemical imbalance? Self-esteem issues? Perhaps I had hidden memories?

Until I had my first Emotion Code session at 30, everything I did simply managed my distress. Nothing really healed me. Meditation calmed me, but it didn’t reveal any pointed subconscious pain. Reiki was wonderful, it increased my Ki, helped me feel Spirit, but it didn’t take away the trauma. Affirmations of self-love only went skin-deep, inside I still felt shaky. People who were neglected as children are notoriously slow to realize the source of the problem, as there’s no frame of reference for what a healthy attachment is. And denial is the coping mechanism used by abused children, hard to re-wire or break that pattern. The damage can also become biological. It literally changes your gene responses and neurotransmitters, so we’re often classified as chemically imbalanced or personality disordered. And what could we even do if we were to finally allow our self to realize? We inherently know that closure is futile, remember these people don’t actually care so good luck with that apology. Realizing that your parents will never be held accountable or feel remorse is a painful realization. They’re simply too self-centred to care, or too emotionally immature to understand anyways, and will probably end up belittling you or denying there was a problem, making the wound fresh again. The negative rhetoric inside our head traps us, and the guilt we’d feel bringing it up would be much to bear, after a lifetime of rejection.

Emotion Code unveiled my trapped emotional karma of feeling deeply unloved & abandoned (in my case, my mother kicked out or left each of her children by the time they were 15, however neglectful parents typically abandon their kids by this age even if they still live with them, they just completely stop being a parent) And there it was. Like a lightbulb went off in my head and I could finally understand why I was having issues, and all the appendages that went along with it (including the general neglect that typically occurs alongside emotional neglect ie no help getting into college, no help learning to drive, not being taught about how to treat a lady, not being taught life skills etc.) I was unprepared for life as an adult. We’ve been fed and clothed, but it takes so much more to be a successful human, doesn’t it?

Children need love, like they need food. It is nourishment for the soul. If you don’t give them enough food, their body will have a domino effect of health problems. The same goes when they don’t receive enough Love. It can lead to aggression, personality disorders, co-dependency, depression, anxiety, fear of asking for help, identity issues, harsh inner critic, shame, unworthiness, easily overwhelmed, sensitive to rejection, anxious or avoidant attachment, not feeling good enough, being okay with mistreatment and narcissist relationships and a general inability to unconditionally Love. Some people take issue with calling emotional neglect ‘abuse’, because it’s not intentional. As someone who’s lived it, I disagree. When a baby cries and the mom ignores him, that’s a choice.   When I begged my mom to stop going to bars every night, that was intentional. When a parent knows their teen is getting into trouble but turns a blind eye, that’s a choice.  When Dad decided to focus on his new girlfriend instead of his children, that was intentional.  When I needed help buying medicine for my ear and my dad made it so difficult I gave up asking him for help, he did that on purpose.  When a parent never asked how the child feels, that was intentional. When parents fail to take action on behalf of the child, that’s an intentional choice. When a kid wants to interact with a parent and the parent rejects them THAT IS INTENTIONAL. It IS intentional and they KNEW they were putting their wants before the child’s’ needs.

And it can take many forms, I wont get into too much, but it looks a little like this:

*Failing to notice or respond to a child’s emotional needs

*Using phrases like “It wasn’t that bad” “Ill give you something to cry about” “Too bad, we’re going” “Quit being drama” laughing at the child for crying or expressing how they feel, or other messages that let you know your feelings don’t matter.

*Meeting a child’s request for help with hostility or negativity.

*Not knowing whats going on in their child’s life. When I hear a parent say “I didn’t know!” I let them know “That’s even worse” There’s a reason your kid stopped telling you things. If you gave your kid the time of day, acted like you enjoyed their company and showed compassion or understanding, they’d know you care and tell you about their troubles. Instead, they’ve already learned not to bug you.

*Failure to give a child what they need to thrive in society. This includes homework help, social guidance, life-skills, structure, predictability and a calm home

*Emotional outbursts by the parent. Any parent who is in tune with their child’s emotional needs surely feels the fear in the child when a parent is out of control. Neglectful parents are often childish in that their feelings are the only ones that matter.

*A parentified child. Often one of the kids will become nurturing to the others. This is not okay and a sign that the parent is not meeting the needs of the children. No, little Sally doesn’t love being a helper, it’s an identity she took on so the home feels safe.

*Teasing or shaming the kids. Its never okay to humiliate your own kid. A parent is supposed to be the childs safe-person.  If you didn’t realize how much it hurt them, I can only assume they didn’t feel safe telling you.

*Being generally disconnected to the child’s life. Not putting them into clubs or giving them experiences. Not being involved in their school or events. Not knowing what they’re hopes or fears or likes and dislikes are.

*Using TV, electronics and even new toys to fulfill the child’s need for fun and emotionally enriching experiences. These things aren’t bad by them-self, but relying on them to keep your kid occupied is neglect.

Emotional neglect is often abuse by omission. The parent may say “Well, I never did this, or do that so consider yourself lucky! My parents used to beat me!” Physical abuse and emotional neglect are not synonymous. Your parents may have beat you, but they may have also been very invested in your future and didn’t know how to parent or motivate. Neither one is okay.

Of coarse, we as parents cant be there for our kids in every situation. Sometimes parents have hardships and need to put their own emotions as priority for a short time. Maybe there’s a new baby in the home and so we’ll rely on the IPad to keep little Johnny quiet until baby starts sleeping more. Maybe the parents get divorced and cant do any more than the minimum parent stuff while they get them self straightened out. Its also good for kids to learn resiliency. But this is different than childhood neglect. It’s temporary, situational, it is the exception not the norm.

Some fear that coddled kids are whats wrong with “kids these days” Think about the adults you know who are having a hard time in life. Were they spoiled? More likely they were neglected. (Perhaps confusing involved parenting with helicopter parenting or permissive parenting. Helicopter parents are controlling but invested.  Permissive parents are loving but don’t provide guidelines or enforce rules. Remember “Nanny 911”? Not great and different outcomes, but this isn’t “emotional neglect”)   The majority of people having relationship, self esteem or self-sufficiency issues are adults who were neglected as children.  Its a serious issue that causes a lot more pain & problems in life than overly-invested helicopter parents.

Involved parents teach their kids natural life consequences. Involved parents give their kids the tools needed to build resiliency. They guide, nurture and talk to their kids. Involved parents put time and energy into the kids. They use their brains and figure out remedies. They don’t just look away when the kids having a fit and hope they grow out of it. They don’t expect the school system to do a parents job. They are both loving and instructing, they praise and discipline. They help them develop their identity and show them what healthy love and fun is. They equip the child with a sense of self-esteem and worthiness. They are well rounded in their Love and Guidance. And remember, if you didn’t come from a good family, you can still make sure a good family comes from you. If you find yourself needing help achieving that, reach out for help. It’s there if you want it.

 

“Toxic parents and absent parents are one in the same.  Neither equips the child with the tools necessary to tackle adulthood.  This conversation is not to point a finger at our parents, who could also point the finger at their own

Truth be told, there are no best among the worst, there are only those who choose to do better.  Children inherit the work their parents didn’t do.

The last thing we need are excuses or deflection

Parenting is an elected occupation.  We may have had to suffer through our parents unpreparedness, but our children shouldn’t have to”                                                                    _Arah Iloabugichukwo

How To Take Control Of Your Life And Be Truly Resilient

Build your psychological resilience. Sorry, but there’s really no candy-assed answer for this one. It is a personal journey, and it doesn’t happen over night. Many were not given the opportunity to build their psychological resilience as children, and this leads to adults who have a victim mind-set. Helplessness drives everyone away except for enablers and predators. Stop waiting for people to rescue you, and start rescuing yourself. Here are the 5 main ways we accomplish this:

Work On Your Confidence

Not pretending, not being arrogant. It means learn to accept yourself for who you are. Maybe you don’t really know yourself. If that’s the case, I encourage you to begin the process of discovering your gifts and all the wonderful things that make you You. A session with a seasoned healer can help if you don’t know where to start. Be realistically optimistic, everyone has special gifts and magic. Everyone also has things they are not good at, be okay with this. Cultivate a belief in your ability to solve problems, which only happens if you try to solve your problems. I’ll bet when you do, you will amaze yourself with what you can accomplish.

Become Self-Aware

Make a conscious effort to be aware of where you’re at with your emotional mastery. Understand the faulty programming you may have received as a child, and challenge your beliefs and assumptions. Notice patterns in your life. Are you always stressed in the morning? Do you always pick hurtful friends or hang around people who are a bad influence? Do you tend to be defensive when there wasn’t truly a need? Notice the patterns and accept that they aren’t happening to you, but with you

Be Accountable

Accept full responsibility for your own life, including all decisions and actions. You may first need to humble thy self, which sounds scary to some, but is actually liberating. It is your job to build a healthy support system, which includes a balanced give-and-take. It is your job to manage your mental health and life. This means that if you have, say, anxiety, it is your job to find healing and manage it. It is your job to deal with the repercussions that come from any and all of your personal endeavors. This may include asking for help, but it doesn’t entitle you to it either. We all have our own crosses to bear, and those who take personal accountability for theirs become powerful in their own life.

Learn To Adapt

Sometimes we must deal with situations that are uncomfortable. Sometimes things change. Managing unexpected detours should be expected in this reality. Be like the Willow tree and bend instead of breaking, while remaining open to opportunities for growth, learning and eventual peace and happiness

Find A Purpose

A purpose earns us a sense of strength and self-esteem. A purpose can be anything, its best to leave ego out of this one. Being consciously kind to animals is a purpose. Helping your family thrive is a purpose. Being an example of a Divine Masculine is a purpose. Becoming a dentist who volunteers in the prisons is a purpose. Whatever purpose you feel in your heart will develop your personal resilience and is most definitely part of your mission in this life. Again, if you are having trouble finding your purpose, a healer or life coach can help.

Can A Psychic Predict Your Future?

Often times my clients or friends will ask me to make predictions. In my experience, wanting predictions signifies a person who lacks accountability in their life or doesn’t understand their role in creation. Yea, that sounds pretty harsh, but at the root, it’s a misguided belief that their life is somehow at the mercy of others, forgetting their great responsibility to co-create the reality we share. We have Free Will, and every action and choice we make has an effect on all possible outcomes. (Okay, side note, many people have unknowingly or in defeated manner given away their Free Will which is a topic for another day) Long term predictions are often little more than guesses, which unfortunately creates beliefs and eventual outcomes in many cases. Psychic Intuition deals with the here and now, it cant fathom what will occur several incidents and choices down the road. We have Free Will. This means we are co-creating collectively. And this is a big part of our human journey, learning to create and love. It is why we must be conscious of the choices we make. We cant blame God for the results of our own actions. This is collectively our “project”, and if we fuck it up, that’s on us. Not to get too out there, but when we look at the messages from ascended masters or channelled spirits, even visitations from other beings, we are always urged to make better choices, that Gaia is in crisis mode and that for the sake of the Universe and our own ascension, we need to figure this out already. Intelligent guesses of possible outcomes are hardly psychic awareness. I know that if I keep throwing garbage into my pond, eventually all the fish will die and it will become polluted. I know that if I’m dating someone who isn’t treating me right, it’ll likely end badly. Most people can easily see what you don’t want to see, and this is the crux of the unethical psychic community. Instead of Intuitives empowering people with knowledge and insights, they sell a prophecy and god-like image. Even the great oracles of the past have barely gotten half their predictions on point, and most of them are vague enough to be applied to almost anything. I’ve seriously lost track of how many times people have shared with me predictions a psychic has sold them, only to leave them confused and desperate. I take these people and re-instill a sense of confidence and control, armed with knowledge and insight. We have a responsibility to create a better world, to create our own reality, and quite frankly that Truth is not easily sold. But if you realized how awesome this power and responsibility is, you’ll see you can create for yourself, an abundant life.

So, can an Intuitive read currant energies? Absolutely. I can effectively tap into created or currant reality. Can I determine what choices and subsequent results will occur after you leave my office? No, that’s your Free Will and the consequences of it. I may receive visions of what could be possible, but this doesn’t mean you’ll choose or take the steps to make it happen.

When we tap into someones path, say with tarot cards, whats happening here is the message is connected to you’re own subconscious beliefs, we simply reveal it. When I read cards for myself, I cant help but notice the message is what I was already believing. If I believe someone will come back, the cards show them coming back. A week later when I think they wont, the cards show they wont. The messages are spooky accurate, but they also change with my own beliefs. If you believe someone is your “twin flame”, the cards will agree. If you believe you’re in danger, the cards will agree. If you believe there’s $ on its way…. you get the idea.

As a healer, I prefer to help you tune into your inner wisdom and power, quit being desperate for answers and instead provide insights. Your intuition does want to help you, but its a one step at a time thing, as that is all we can be aware of.

One lady came in for Reiki, and started asking me questions about a toxic relationship she had. A psychic told her this man was her “twin flame runner” confirming what she already suspected. She then wanted to know when he was coming back. Its hard to watch people throw their power away like this. I explained to her what I saw, that he wasn’t respecting her or interested in being with her at this time. That the message was clear, this is whats happening now so act accordingly – take care of yourself because this jerk has you all frazzled and he has no intention of changing anytime soon. I could also see she had a lack of self respect and that’s why she is with people who don’t respect her, something she created. The advice was for her to do the self work and begin a daily meditation routine so she could DECIDE for herself if this was a worthwhile prize to chase. Well that sounds a lot less fun than what the psychic told her, so she left without listening. That’s fine, if you just want fun and games go back to the psychic and see where that gets you. When you’re ready to actually heal and create a good life, I’ll be here with open arms. Not to bring up the obvious, but if psychics could honestly predict future outcomes they’d all be stinkin’ rich and opportunistically benefiting from all sorts of things.

So, the next time you go to a psychic healer be sure to remember that it is essentially YOU who will determine your outcome, success and losses. Energy is fluid and it can change from day to day. It is YOU who is creating your future alongside the collective. This world, and our very own lives, is ours for the making, and every choice we make will impact the future in a way no human mind is able to predict, in a way that no outside entity is able to control. This is OUR world. The future is created 1 step at a time and its a power that is in our hands. That is empowerment – recognizing your role in the future.

Are We Attracting Or Seeking?

There is a popular notion among the New Age community that we “attract” events and things to us. The insinuation is that we are somehow powerful enough to essentially control other beings and the Universe at large. While we do influence the world around us, we certainly do not have the means, or right quite frankly, to make decisions for or have that kind of power over other sentient beings. It is, after all, a collective consciousness. We do have power over ourselves, and it is our self that we are affecting when we manifest. We control our own path. Our own vibration, choices and actions will effect others, again, a collective outcome. But when we have manifested results or things, it is because we have altered our own energy and path. This is how it works:

Our subconscious (or our Akashic record) is where all our thoughts begin. It’s a record of everything you have ever experienced and even though you may not remember or be aware of all the activity going on back there, it is what’s influencing your conscious thoughts and choices. Your reasoning in any given situation is highly influenced by the subconscious record of experiences. Many of our manifestation techniques are actually working to change our subconscious beliefs. For example, affirmations. Affirmations are repeated continuously until the subconscious belief is, in some cases overridden. However, this is tricky to do if there are trapped emotions (aka Karma) that need to be cleared, thus in many cases the affirmation doesn’t have substantial effect. Our trapped emotions heavily influence our subconscious, which seeks to resolve the Karma (If it is simply a matter of faulty programming then affirmations work beautifully!) Once the trapped emotion is cleared, the lesson or understanding is complete. We have now changed OUR belief system. What happens next? Well, we are now open to new possibilities, we are now subconsciously and intuitively seeking what we want without blocks or restriction. It’s not that we changed everyone else, we changed our own self and thus the path and choices we make. It’s why, after years of being bad relationships, we’re suddenly attracted to healthy partners instead of unavailable people. We didn’t force a good person into our life, they were out there all along. We simply now allow our self to see, choose and be attracted to healthy partners. We didn’t pull it towards our self, we are now seeking it. If our heart chakra is blocked with a heart wall, its not that clearing the low vibrations is somehow forcing good people onto our path, we are simply now open to receive Love, which was out there all along, waiting to be discovered.

When we do energy clearing, specifically emotion code (which allows us to actually understand the energies/emotions and time it occurred so it can be cleared) we are clearing the blocks that are blinding or steering us away from what we want.

The subconscious is like the rudder of the boat. It leads us to where we need to go. The fish were out there all along, we didn’t force them to our fishing line, we simply corrected our course to where the fish just are.

When doing energy clearing, we discover the block and clear it. This changes OUR intentions and path, not everyone else.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience to help us evolve. If we have a trapped emotion (karma) then we will continue to seek experiences that help us to understand and learn. Once the karmic lesson is solved, we are now free to move on to bigger and better things!

Everyone Can Manage Their Anxiety

I like to consider myself a bit of an expert when it comes to anxiety because I’ve lived with it my whole life.  Of all the low-vibrating emotions, anxiety is my go-to.  And much like the best addiction counselors are ex-drug users, I am an ex-anxious person who has some real-life solutions for dealing with anxiety, reducing its severity, and understanding it in a way that many others cannot.  It is exhausting and often paralyzing.  It keeps us stuck, it lies to us, emphasizes the things we don’t like about our self, it makes us irritable,… and it usually starts in childhood.   This revelation is sometimes met with confusion, many clients stating they didn’t start feeling it until early adulthood, however the programming and past experiences are often the root of the relentlessness.  Easy answer, I know, but by tapping into our subconscious and dissecting messages and lifelong habits, we can find the root cause.  And it doesn’t take months or even years in my space, as it does in traditional therapy.  Its just a matter of being in the right mindset and tapping in.  These revelations are Step One to soothing anxiety.   I am human and so it would be delusional and dishonest to say I don’t still have my days.  Like I said, anxiety is my go-to emotion when things aren’t “perfect”, so I’ve become quite good at managing my anxiety.  Here are some of the ways I manage my anxiety on a day-to-day basis:

1)Get To Know Your Triggers  It can be really hard to believe that you’re going down the anxiety hill until its too late sometimes.   Anxiety makes small things feel really big.  Anxiety can start slow like a frog in boiling water.  Anxiety can tell us we are worthy of punishment and negative self-talk.  Become mindful of the who/what/where/when/ and how’s.  In other words, is there a person that triggers anxiety in you, which then grows for days?   Sometimes the anxiety takes a bit to build.   Is there a place that makes you feel irritable or grumpy whenever you’re there, that is possibly a side-effect of anxiety?  Is there a part of your anti-self that you need to work on?  Ask a trusted loved one if they have spotted any triggers in you, and be willing to think about their answers for a few days.   Understand your triggers so that you can manage them.

2)Eat A Nutritious Diet    This is just so important.  The mind-body connection is real my friends.  I could reference a thousand studies showing the link between mental health and diet, but a simple Google search is already at your fingertips;)  Check it out.  I have noticed huge declines in my mental health when eating  poorly, it’s a consistent trigger for me.   If your body doesn’t have the tools it needs to be healthy, you will feel it mentally.

 3)Limit Social Media        Again, both personal experience, and scientific studies show that social media is bad for mental health.   Sure, we all know its bad to compare, that it’s all illusion, that it messes with our brainwaves and emotional responses, but it does more than just that.  It enforces a habit of looking outside of the self for validation. It causes constant spikes in adrenaline.  Its addicting.  Truly time yourself and see how much mental space you give to these illusions daily.   Its rarely based off any kind of reality, this is stressful to the cognitive mind, and no matter how mindful you are, we all get sucked into that illusion after too much time on.  People who uses social media even moderately have been shown to spend significantly less time doing the daily chores that often bring our mind into a meditative and grounded state.   Less time cooking, cuddling, walking the dog, dusting, painting our nails or building that shelf.  Less time in our own little world.  After going down to only 1 social media platform(which I keep deactivated half the time as well now) I have noticed a big difference in my self-esteem and satisfaction of daily life.

4)Give Up Coffee!   I’m sure now you hate me!  But it had to be said.   I started drinking coffee after my second child.   Drank it for years.   Not even a lot, just a cup or two a day.  I already had my anxiety pretty well managed a few years ago, but there was always this underlying panic feeling I couldn’t put my finger on.  One day a friend, who almost never drinks the stuff, decided to enjoy a coffee her co worker brought her after a long few days.  He also brought her one the next day, which sparked anxiety in her, a feeling shes not accustomed to.  She immediately recognized the energy as one she witnessed in me, and had me over the next day to talk to me about it.  She encouraged me to try going without for a month and it has honestly changed my life.  So I researched the subject, and although there are studies talking about possible benefits, ultimately I discovered that the way it changes and effects the brain is scary.   It is a narcotic.  It was introduced to make people work harder, while thinking less intuitively (my intuition is consistent and always available now, whereas before I had to do quite a bit of prep to get there)   Caffeine is literally a natural pesticide, killing cells it comes into contact with.    MRI images show a decrease in blood flow to the brain by as much as 45% after having a coffee (http;//abcn.ws/2ipmLj7)   Coffee causes degradation of the brain.  Coffee gives us energy by putting us into a fight or flight state of mind, which triggers the lower IQ centers of our brain, meaning our higher learning parts of the brain are suppressed.   Coffee is proven to cause or contribute to several diseases, dysfunctions and defects, mental and physical.   It creates significant & measurable sleep disturbances for WEEKS after just 1 cup.   The list of harm coffee does goes on and on, but the point here today is that coffee is really bad for anxiety.

5)Create A Schedule    This may be more useful to some than others, but typically speaking those prone to anxiety don’t like unexpected situations, and tend to feel more comfortable when on a schedule.   A daily schedule with some wiggle room can take a lot of mental strain off, and help make the unexpected more manageable.  If you stress about something specific, such as work, know this as a trigger and re-train yourself using a schedule as well.  Get all your work things ready at a specific time (for me it’s the morning of the day before, as that’s when I start worrying about work) and I remind myself that its not time to worry about work yet, that I will worry about work on the day I work, and that everything is already ready now.  This allows me to go the day without worrying about it, everything’s ready and I have nothing to mentally “go over”  When you know a specific time of the week gives you anxiety, you’ve recognized a trigger and can now re-program yourself using a schedule and soothing self talk

6)Nature, Get out There   Sometimes the simplest solutions are the ones we don’t do.   It’s like we feel things must be difficult to be effective.  There is something magically harmonizing and soothing to the Soul that I just don’t have the ability to intellectualize when it comes to the healing power of Nature.  Find a favorite trail, tree or park, and just get out there.  Like, often.  Make it part of your schedule.   Spend some of that time you used to on social media and replace it with Nature.

These are my every day, anyone-can-do-it, no professional help needed tools anyone can use to manage their anxiety.  In my practice I do teach people how to meditate,  re-parent programming and positive self-talk, setting goals and managing the anti-self to further the healing, but these are really the foundation.  If you don’t put effort into managing your anxiety, then don’t expect improvement.  These tips aren’t painful or hard, they just require you to try.  I’m not shy in  my belief that those who heed the call of anxiety, who listen to it and understand it, who make honest effort to manage it, always find healing.  And those who make excuses or say “That wouldn’t work because” or ‘I cant just do that” will remain in the struggle.    Everyone can manage their anxiety.

 

Science, Spirituality & Poetry

The more I investigate spirituality and the energetic body, the more I realize ideas and knowings mirror each other across the globe. From culture to culture, there is likeness between the teachings. Here in the west we’re known for our “charts and graphs” style of care, in the east there tends to be a more poetic way of speaking and teaching. Western culture is quite like the left brain, needing intellectualized findings, where in the East the spiritual and emotional feelings are what speak volumes. Neither is wrong, in fact they validate each others’ theories and philosophies.

For example, and one that comes up again and again in my practice, are people asking about the Akashic Records (akashic meaning “space” in Sanskrit) It’s said to be the complete record of every thought, feeling, intent or action you’ve ever taken, stored within the etheric plane. It colours our direction and decisions in subtle and substantial ways. People ask me if I can access their record for various reasons, and it becomes apparent that people are attaching mystic and meaning to it that was never part of ancient scripts. It’s become a bit of a New-age catch phrase among Charlatans who make outrageous promises using vague, misunderstood records as a safety cover. Do I believe in the Akashic Records? Absolutely, but here in the West it’s usually referred to as the subconscious😉 I’ve been doing energy work and studying psychology in tandem, I am one of few who use both in my healing practice, and it is obvious to me that the Akashic records is without doubt, the subconscious. The subconscious is also a record of every experience you’ve ever had, whether it happened in this life or your last (for those who believe they’ve had multiple incarnations) I can, through muscle testing and quantum connection, explore your subconscious and ask it questions of almost any nature regarding your own self. I can find trapped emotions (aka Karma, I’ll get to that one next) and permanently clear these “blocks”, as well as help the client figure out next steps or buried experiences. I also teach people to meditate in a deep enough trance so they can access their own subconsciousakashic” revelations. Hypnotists will go into either the subconscious/akashic record, with coinciding results. The only difference between the two terms is the way they are presented, one clinical, the other spiritual.

Now onto Karma. Karma, a concept of Hinduism, has a very poetic explanation for cause and effect. It states that positive experiences have a positive effect on our future, and negative experiences have a negative influence on our future. In past it was misinterpreted by our spiritual community as a form of punishment, though we are now starting to fully understand that Karma is never punishment, that was never part of the script, however due to our cultural conditioning, we had a hard time understanding that life is a teaching experience, and not a test of good or bad. Karma is said to be part of our Soul, sticking to us from lifetime to lifetime, until we find a way to transmute/heal or integrate the lesson. We’ve all heard people joke about their “bad luck” and blame it on having done something bad in a past life, citing they must have bad karma. There is some undeniable truth to it, as we see the same issues follow a person throughout life.

This Karma is really the unseen energetic baggage of what we call “Trapped Emotions” Without going into the energetic body too much here, our body creates Emotions. Emotions are real and they have obvious affect on our lives. These emotions each have their own vibration, some are high and some are low. For various reasons these emotions can become trapped in our energetic body, aka our Spirit. They stay with us until we clear or resolve them, much like Karma. They can be passed to our children, and are sometimes viewed as Generational Karma. These Trapped Emotions have great influence over our subconscious. We can now see how Karma/a Trapped Emotion is not a punishment. Lets use an example to help:

A desperate man assaults a woman. They both create emotions from this experience, the man shame of self, the woman fear of men. Unless they find a way to resolve these emotions (Energy-in-Motion) then they will continue on with the trapped emotions, and this will effect their future. They will have “bad Karma” and energetic blocks. The man harboring shame will continue to spiral and the self hate will cause what seems like “bad Karma” Again, its not the punishment he sees it as, rather its an emotion he should be listening to. The woman with her fear of men, will continue to attract situations which are calling her to resolve the trapped emotion of fear. Again, not a punishment, but a call for healing. When we burn our self on the stove, the pain is not punishment but the bodies way of teaching us somethings not healthy, that we should learn from this experience, and to soothe the damage. These trapped emotions are energetic distortions and they will lower your vibration and alter the quantum field around you. They can cause actual physical health problems and disease. They subconsciously prevent us from moving forward until they are resolved.

Understanding this helps us to understand how Shamans clear Karma, and how Emotion Code Practitioners clear blocks to abundance and healing.

Akashic Records = The Subconscious

Karma = Trapped Emotions 

Different terms, same essence

Intentions Create The Future

Our intentions have a hefty impact on the future and how things will proceed. More important than “positive thinking”, our intention is what has influence over the quantum field. What many are realizing now about “positive thought only” concepts (eg; “The Secret”) is that… this whole idea of only thinking positive is delusional and seriously harmful. We see mixed results from these practices, and it’s for the same reason we see mixed results with placebo trials. The real secret isn’t

Only allow positive thoughts to be seen in the conscious mind and dismiss/delude/deny the more “negative” aspects of currant reality

And its not to “trick” ourselves into believing something will work or happen. The real secret to why visualization and placebos often do “work” or “manifest” is because we had the subconscious intention that it would happen. It is because we set an intention. We gave an order, an instruction. It was not because we were super nice and think super nice thoughts all day. If that were the case greedy bankers, the Cabal, anyone with dark intentions, wouldn’t be so successful. And yet we see them at the top of the ladder. They understand something that we all need to re-remember. We can give orders too. We can take back our Will and Sovereignty, and that’s not done by being a lamb.

The subconscious is a record keeper of everything that has ever happened in your life, and it is the rudder of the of the boat, so to speak. So if you truly want to heal a dis-ease, and take a placebo and it works, its not because you “tricked” your body into remission, as the currant allopathic theory claims. It is because you intended that pill to heal you, and so it did.

Now lets say it did Not work. Lets say even the actual prescription medication doesn’t work either. Whats happening now? Well, the subconscious has other plans, for various reasons. Despite best efforts, healing fails to proceed. These are what people are referring to when they say they think they have “a block” This is when its time to see a Shaman or someone else who can ethically and accurately test your subconscious to find out why it does not (yet) intend for you to heal. There is usually a trapped emotions/karmic debris that needs conscious realizing and clearing first. Perhaps there is a trapped emotion of depression, and so subconsciously you feel hopeless. Subconsciously, you want out of this life and so medication wont help. Maybe subconsciously you feel unloved, and this is the only way you currently have to get easy attention. The reasons/blocks are varied for each person.

Now lets look at positive thinking “The Secret” style. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Because sometimes, though we visualized and felt what it might be like to say, have a new house, the subconscious knows there is healing/learning or karma/trapped energy that needs to be released first. So despite making that vision board, saying positive affirmations daily, & pretending you are a magical priestess, you are not “manifesting” results. It seems like there is a “block” because all the other things you wanted came through. Most definitely your subconscious has a different intention than your conscious mind does. A visit with a Shaman may reveal that subconsciously you have a trapped emotion of fear, from when you were a child and you moved into a new neighborhood and started getting bullied. So now, despite your intentions, your subconscious’ intention is holding you back. We clear it, along with any other trapped emotions we find that are holding you back, and now your conscious and subconscious minds are on the same page.

Please note here how harmful positive-only thoughts are. If you would have only allowed yourself to feel the low vibration, you could have resolved it on your own, especially with some practice, which only comes from dealing with “negative” emotions. If you really allowed yourself to feel into it, and became aware that “I think I’m feeling some fear when I think about moving” you could have perhaps realized the block yourself, and moved past it. Instead you choose to deny the harder aspects of reality & instead bury the unpleasantness. Well, the subconscious never forgets regardless of how well you brainwashed yourself with positive affirmations. Our Mind, Body & Spirits’ intentions have to be “in alignment” for those magical manifestations to be realized. In my next blog I’ll discuss how our intentions can affect other people, how other peoples intentions can affect us, and how to manage this.

Karma Is Energy

No longer philosophy among new-agers and quantum physicists, literally everything within our world is energy.  Each atom empty but for swirling votices of subtle energy.  It is no misinterpretation of ancient script that Karma is an Energy within us, creating our path and person.  It is understanding this fact that helps us to understand Karma: low-frequency vibrations emanating out from within.

Quantum physics does a pretty good “Western” style job of explaining spirituality.   Many of the spiritual teachings being validated by scientists and researcher facilities.  There is no doubt of the subtle energies around and within us, detectable and measurable.  As most of us are now aware, illness in our physical body is directly related to our Spirit/Energetic/Emotion Body.  We create emotions (Emotions-energy_in_motion) within this body.   As we see with trauma or abuse victims, these energies/emotions can stick with us, become trapped in our energetic body, if no chance for emotional resolve is possible.   And in fact, these trapped emotions can be passed from generation to generation.   This is family/genetic Karma.  We see this on a more physical level when dis-eases seem to be passed down in a family, yet there are no (physical) genetic markers to explain how.   Its Karmic.  It is an energy being inherited.

People also come into my office sensing they have some “bad karma or something” where the same issue or imbalance keeps showing up in their life.   Some think they have “bad luck”   My first intention is to help them understand there is no bad luck, and they are not being punished.   Let me be very clear:Karma Is Not A Punishment.  It is an energetic distortion that is emanating from within, and as within so without.  Basic Law of Attraction stuff.   It is a trapped emotion screaming for healing, the way an ingrown toenail screams for relief.

Sacred teachings shows Karma as lessons and opportunities to heal.   This idea of punishment is again, new-age misinterpretations.  Thankfully the majority seems to be moving past this notion.   Karma is a dis-ease, not a punishment.  Though understandably, dis-ease often feels like punishment.

Whether you commit an unethical act, or were the victim of one (We do NOT control other people, we are not responsible for others mistakes, another cheap interpretation of ancient Law of Attraction teachings) you are likely to accrue Karmic energy.   Sometimes the victim accumulates more of these dense energies, sometimes the perpetrator does, it really depends on each’s emotional state and tribal support at the time, however both will accrue Karma: an energetic distortion within the body that must now be resolved.   And as Sacred Healing, meditation and shamanism, and social connection is at an all time low here in the West, the Karmic energy is building within us.  I hope I am explaining this clearly: Karma is NOT a punishment.  It is unresolved energetic degree/emotional baggage/trapped emotions stuck within our Spirit.

So concepts like “The Secret” are circling around these teachings, and people are realizing that all these affirmations and fake positive thinking are not actually resolving anything.   In fact, positive thinking tends to cause deeper suppression.   It’s a new age form of what old men used to do: bury their feelings so deep until they had a heart attack at 60.

Some people turn to hypnotherapy or NLP to help fix their dis-ease or imbalance.   At best, these band-aids wear off within weeks.   At worse, they successfully suppress the emotions until they come out in uglier more urgent ways, or even worse still, laying dormant until the next incarnation.   If reincarnation is your belief, then you’d better believe it will be another lifetime with this Karma.  Our physical bodies are left behind but our spirit and its wounds are eternal.  And these energetic wounds stay with us until we finally heal them.   When people say “Must be Karma from a past life” others laugh as though they did something horrible in a past life.  Maybe they did, maybe they were the victim, maybe they inherited the emotion.  Either way, it is no punishment.  It is calling for healing.

Aside from feeling into the energetic body, an experienced Shaman should be able to connect with your subconscious, which is all aware of your spirit wounds, bring these distortions up and into your conscious mind, and then clear them out.   It is a permanent clearing.   And it is deeply sacred work.   Much like Baptism, it is a cleansing of past “sins”   I am a scientific Shaman (ahaha) and I can tell you, it is a measurable and obvious change.  Usually the persons actual physical appearance changes after even 1 clearing session,  When I do these healing, I bring up the specific emotion and time it occurred, to restore the memory in the clients conscious mind.    Be wary of the con-man healer who uses vague guesses and universally applicable messages.  There is no  guessing and no placebo effect when working with a Shaman.  It doesn’t even matter if you totally believe or have high hopes because it is not placebo effect.   It is actual, permanent healing of Karma.   Life is supposed to be effortless, spontaneous, harmonious.  When Karmic energy is cleared, it now becomes so.   When we clear we need things like Reiki less often because we are now creating our own healthy high vibrations easily.  The ripple effect of clearing Karma is never-ending and often surprising in positive benefits.  This is true healing and its impact on the self and the whole run deeper than many still realize.

Are You a Shaman?

The title of Shaman has been pushed out of medicine, much to Westerners detriment.   Those who’s mission is to heal through Spirit and Earth, God and Gaia, those born with a healers heart, had to choose from allopathic roles in attempt to live out their soul purpose and heart desire.  Nurses, PSWs, DSWs, therapists, etc, are some common fields shaman-spirits have settled for.  Yet, many of them are left with the knowing that this is not the way they wanted to help or heal.   Confusion sets in as they yearn to be in the healing fields, yet what they see and do on the job gives them no satisfaction.   They are likely incarnated Shamans.  Are you a Shaman?   Here are some key traits I have noticed of my fellow Shamans

1) You Are An Introvert

Shamans have a rich inner life, we dance between worlds all day, and it is damn well exhausting.  We also have heightened awareness and sensation, which means we need more time to process it all.   And aside from that, people who haven’t unlocked their potential can be… annoying.  I know this sounds judge-y, but consider how you feel after hanging out with kids all day.   It’s not meant to put anyone above or below anyone else, we are each learning different things at our own pace.   But the reality is, the majority’s scattered energy and thoughts are tiring and annoying after a while.   Were typically old souls.  We love you youngins’ but after dark go home, we need tea and quiet, just like Grandma.   Ill send you off with a kiss and some cookies but hurry up and go already!

2) Nature Is Necessary

It truly is our church.  The vibration of true, unadulterated nature is the only place that feels like home.  When man-made world pulls our frequency down too low,  we need to recharge off Gaia.  It is re-charges our entire being, balances our mind, body and soul.

3) You Don’t Need Validation 

Long story short, we don’t care what others think as far as ego related reasons go.  Yes, I get upset if my friend calls me mean, because I care about how I affected her. I care about my impact, as opposed to my reputation.  We feel out what is ours and what is yours, instead of getting defensive or hurt.  We tend to respond instead of react.  Our goals are to be of service to humanity, so if we know we are doing good in the world, we are at peace, even if our truths hurt your little ego and you don’t like us anymore.  You will never hear someone with a healers heart say their top goal is fame, fortune, power etc.  This is so 3D.   We answer to God and Gaia, if they’re happy with us, then we are happy with us.

4) You Know Deep Inside You Are To Help Heal Humanity

Each Shaman has his own gifts and purpose.  Whether it is to help animals, children, adults or Gaia, we are here to make things better.   You may not know how yet, but you feel it.  How we are meant to help is usually revealed along the path.  Don’t wait to figure it all out,  start with one small step.  Always just one small step at a time.  It all leads back to our contribution to shift humanity back into higher consciousness.  Every bit contributes.  Beware of “healers” who think life is all sunshine and rainbows. If you can’t accept and expose the dark, you have not accepted the state of emergency humanity and Gaia are in.  If a ‘healer’ is uncomfortable in the dark, how can they be familiar with it? Healers and Shamans see clearly societies ills and are compelled to bring attention to darkness.  We may sometimes sound negative but really, we’re focused on what needs help.   Collective consciousness means we are all in this together, if you need a “positive vibes only” bubble around you, if you’re too scared to speak uncomfortable truths, Shamanism is not for you.  See number 3;)

5) You’ve Had a Difficult Path

The kind of difficult path you don’t share often.  It is sacred and private and made you who you are today.    Our Saturn transit finishes in our mid-30’s and because the Shaman has so much about life, pain and healing to learn, we are not ready for our healing roles until after this transit, our mid-30’s.  Unfortunately, most of today’s Shamans are already established in their careers at this point and too afraid to follow their newfound calling.  Just do it, please realize your potential.   The other half are hopelessly depressed and looking for their purpose.  There is no section for ‘Shaman’ when taking a career aptitude test, but that just may be what you are.   Be brave and follow your heart.

6) You’re Energetically Sensitive & Have Mastered Your Own 

And this includes emotions (energy-in-motion).  I’ve felt & heard electricity since childhood.  Mom couldn’t understand why I’d complain about hearing the electricity, hear a light on etc.  I can feel peoples emotions if I choose to tune into them, and sometimes regardless if the energy is strong.  Many Highly Sensitive People (HSP) think they are Empaths.  While HSPs are beginning to feel subtle energies, they are still energetically weak or inexperienced.  It’s like the kindergarten of Empath school.  Yep, you’re feeling stuff but it’s knocking your energetic field over.  I find HSPs’ personal energy fields  to be easily overridden and manipulated.   I can, if I’m being honest, give a HSP anxiety or peace without talking or touching just by directing the frequency their way,  they are actually more easily manipulated than the average Joe, because they are highly feeling (making them easy targets for users and manipulators)  HSPs are the people getting emotionally manipulated and taken advantage of while claiming to be an Empath.  They claim they are givers and just care too much, but really they’re martyrs or co-dependent with little insight.  They may feel others pain, but they don’t know how to maturely handle it.  Empaths see through bullshit, we don’t get duped, and also see #3.   I have a lot of influence over the energy in a room, not the other way around.   Mature Shamans and Empaths have cultivated their energies, learned to control them (including emotions), and manage them before we burn out.  We’re typically calm and satisfied, as opposed to the emotionally frazzled and often distressed HSP.   A Shamans ability to sense, intuit, and work with subtle energies is what makes us of service.

7) You Are Spiritually Gifted With A Siddhis”

Basically, you’re psychic & intuitive.   Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, Clairsentience, Clairscent, Clairempathy, Channeling etc     You just know stuff

8) People Have Always Called you Weird

Or a freak, or a loner.  You get the picture.  You don’t fit in.  I was called weird my whole life (“In a good way Heather” did sort of help the sting)   I didn’t see it but others did.  It wasn’t until my 30’s that I realized I was operating from a different place than my peers.  If you feel different, you probably are.  Embrace it, and if you’re having a hard time doing that, read #3 again.

 

SHAMAN

a person who has access to Spirit and Intuition, can go into trance states of consciousness and encourage healing on the energetic level, believes all healing is through God and Gaia, that the body has the ability to self-heal & self-repair through innate intelligence