A Practical Guide
Dealing with a narcissist will leave you feeling like the bad guy. People often think they’re too smart to be fooled, however, narcissists are masters at what they do and will easily erode that self-assurance. We’ve all heard the terms, “gas-lighting” “bread-crumbing” “projections” “narcissistic supply” Today we’re discussing real-world examples of narcissism in action
1) Words VS Actions This is to me, the biggest thing to watch out for. Narcissists talk a big game about how amazing they are. But over time, the stats don’t match up. Really, in any of your relationships, this is something to watch out for. Narcissists, however, take it to a whole new level. They boast of how caring they are, yet you feel pretty neglected. They brag about being good parents, yet don’t actually put effort or resources into their kids. They call themselves religious, yet cant even follow basic scriptures. They will say they love their kids, yet had to be forced into helping support them. For a good reason though, I’m sure (eyeroll) They talk like they’re an athlete, yet they play on a beer league. They say dumb shit like “I’m smarter than the Doctor” yet haven’t even been to college. It’s sad to see how many adults will listen to words over actions. Yes, their words are convincing, but over time you may see that they use words as a tool of manipulation, not as an authentic attempt to express themselves.
“Babe, I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it, it was really busy at work. Again. I promise I’ll come help next time.”
2)Boundaries Simply put, they don’t respect them. You ask them not to come by, they come by. You tell them you’re an atheist, they insist you haven’t seen the light. You tell them something scares you, you, they keep doing it anyways. With sex, if you’re uncomfortable with something, it becomes a game to make you do it. When it comes to their kids, they don’t see them as individual souls, rather they own them and expect complete agreement. They will basically wear down your boundaries until they aren’t there, often making it seem like it was your own choice to do so.
“I didn’t want to have kids, but its time I grew up. Besides, she promised it would be great”
3)Money They are weird with money. Lavish with themselves, always broke or bread-crumbing everyone else. Because they are impulsive and lack insight, they make foolish purchases. Narcissistic supply comes into play here. They will buy things to make others envy or admire them, not because its something their hearts desire. They will buy things to entertain themselves, not because they need it. They assume their greatness will bring in more money any day now, so no worries about that climbing credit card bill. A narcissistic parent is easy to spot. They always have money for themselves, for a new toy or third wedding, a vacation or drugs and alcohol. Yet they cant seem to afford the child’s basic necessities. Bread-crumbing is big here, they will give enough to keep you alive, but they’ll also bring it up often.
“I don’t know how you can say I never buy you anything. I buy you food, and remember that time I got you a kick-ass birthday gift three years ago? See? You’re lying, stop saying I never buy you anything”
4)Double Standards They are a walking double standard. It’s justifiable for them, but you my friend are the Devil. His ex is a drug addict for smoking weed, and he’ll let everyone know it. Him? Oh, he just smokes when he has a headache so its okay. A narcissist will accuse you of having anger issues for getting upset over “nothing” (yea, they love to minimize) yet get mad if you even just disagree with them. God help you if you ever treat them the way they treated you. You’re a whore because you had sex. His experiences are somehow righteous and clean. They loathe thieves and cons, yet when they steal it’s okay because they felt owed. My ex’s excuse for not spending adequate time with the kids was because I only wanted a break from them so I could drink and see men. Guess what he was up to on the daily? Yea, but that’s okay for him because hes a righteous God-loving man
“Shes a terrible, horrible, abusive mother. Why haven’t I been around to help her then? Well because, shes a terrible, horrible, abusive mother.”
5)Strange Anger There is always an under-currant of negative energy within narcissists. An empath will feel this and become insecure, worried, have constant low-level anxiety around them, yet not be able to tell why, often blaming themselves. This is the vibration of a narcissist and just being in the same room with them puts you in a subconscious state of awareness. Without realizing, you watch your words, tone and beliefs, so as to not disturb the narcissist. Over time, you will reach 1 of 2 places; a broken but willing participant or 2 awakening to what the fuck is actually happening. If you awaken, you will undoubtedly awaken their anger. They often start off with passive-aggressive anger. Missing birthdays, withholding affection, “losing” your things, doing chores badly, accidentally kicking your dog, underhanded jabs and veiled insults (watch out for this especially, it erodes your self esteem “You do a great job for someone who never graduated high school” “Your a good Dad, despite your mental illnesses”), hurting you but pretending they didn’t mean too, neglecting the relationship or their duties etc. It will, however, become overt and dangerous. Violence is not off the table with these psychos. There is a reason you should never tell a narcissist when you’re leaving them, because the switch can happen before your out the door.
“I never would have thought he’d try to kill his wife for leaving him. He seemed like such a nice guy, doesn’t even have a domestic violence record.”
6)You Feel Frustrated Narcissists are master crazy-makers. Their excuses and explanations will boggle your mind. They cannot see your point of view. Thy cannot learn or comprehend logic. They can be relentless in their pursuit to bring you to the edge, and you wont even realize they’re the ones doing it. They will gas-light till the cows come home, even with irrefutable proof. Their self-assured demeanour will have you questioning everything you know to be true, including your own feelings. They may get angry at you just for disagreeing or refusing to accept their non-sense. Long story short, you’ll find yourself wondering if your crazy. Whatever way it manifests, one thing is for sure, if you try to have a friendship, relationship or family dynamic with them, you will end up frustrated on many levels. Just trying to talk sense with them is like banging your head into a wall. The reason? They lack insight. Like, completely incapable of having any semblance of insight. So they never learn. They’re never wrong. And they’ll never grow. THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE SO STOP EXPECTING THEM TO! Narcissists don’t get better. They get old and tired, sure, but that’s the best you can hope for.
“Everyone else seems to understand or empathize my concern, except my husband (the narcissist) For some reason, he just doesn’t get it.”
Being in a relationship with a narcissist, or having one as a parent is incredibly debasing. The energetic wounds go deep. The traits you pick up will need re-programming in most cases, and the karmic energy removed. The number 1 predictor of ending up in a narcissistic relationship? Having been in one before. Not all empaths attract narcissists. Come to Reiki and Alternative Healing to truly heal from the abuse and ascend to higher vibing relationships.