My Mental Health Journey

By the time I was a tween I had a full blown anxiety disorder.   Momma sent me to the family Doctor who wrongly diagnosed me with Bi-polar syndrome and swiftly put me on a chemical cocktail: Lithium every day, half a Zolaft every day, Paxil on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays.   If Momma knew then what she knows now,… well it was a different time.   The 90’s.    The beginning of the family medical practices being instructed to push mental health meds on the public    Boys on Ritalin Girls on Prozac.   Its the new and improved lobotomy.    I remember getting so fucked up on these meds, and “they” said it was because I was getting older and my bi polar was worsening….. maybe more pills will help. I ended up in the Norris Wing, the old mental health hospital unit in my town.    I remember so clearly, even on the concoction of mind-numbing-personality-changing-drugs,  “I don’t belong here! This place is bad   This place is bad”   I pleaded with the “professionals” to please take me off these drugs, to change them, anything.  As a rebellious teen, I could care less of their opinion, I KNEW this wasn’t good for me.  They refused to have empathy and continued telling my teachers and caregivers this regimen was best for me, to not give in to my pleas, to ensure I took my drugs every day.    By the time I was 16 I flushed all my drugs down the toilet, vowed never again    At 16 I knew this was wrong, that there HAD to be another way.     I was already into my crystals and earthy ways, believed in God & started honestly trying to connect with him.  I instinctively knew to spend massive amounts of time in nature alone.    I began meditating without even realizing it    My shrink told me it was mal-adaptive and said it had a label “Mal-adaptive imagination time” and “magical thinking”.   But it was the only time anxiety wasn’t eating me alive so I stopped seeing him too.   Stopped all involvement with medical mental health.     All they ever did was tell me I had disorders, was mal-adaptive, more wrong than I was already telling myself.   They took a troubled girl and made her feel broken beyond repair, sick, wrong in every way.    Of coarse my anxiety only worsened with age   By the time I was in my 20’s and having kids, It had peaked, & it was dangerous.   I was getting physically sick from it, viruses all the time, bacterial infections and headaches, weekly outbursts of rage or fear or sadness.  My bodies were in crisis.  There was no quality of life, and I didn’t like who I had become   Most days I could manage it but other days…aggressive, erratic, shaking with fear.  I hated myself for being an impatient woman.   This wasn’t me, I knew I was a good person and I just needed help or something    Trying to find someone who could actually help became my focus.   I found a few local Reiki healers but this was way over their heads.  The entire appointment I felt like I was there to teach them.   So I kept praying, please i’m looking, help me find help.   And eventually connected with a Shaman a few hours away.   We talked a lot that day.  He did the Emotion Code Clearing on me.   Together we eventually cleared over 200 emotions from my energetic body, many inherited from mom or dad.   We inherit energetic codes just like we do DNA.   Western medicine can’t (or won’t) figure out how these mental dis-eases are passed down as their is often no indication or markers in the physical genes, but acknowledge there is a hereditary factor at play.  Its Energetic.   It’s a frequency we copy.  Adopted children even display the same “vibes”  as their birth parents, whether or not they have ever met.  It’s quite a fascinating phenomenon.  This is why we have the same mannerisms of our same-gendered parent too.  We inherit the good stuff as well.

Western society is one of few that doesn’t regularly practice energetic hygiene.   Medical Experts and Scientists alike are waking up now though.  Some want to stay stuck, this is all too “Witch Doctory” for their already crowded minds.   Some who truly have a healers heart have understood this their entire career, yet have to keep it quite or risk losing their reputation.   On the medical research front, we have physicists actually studying these crafts now, as the field of quantum physics become increasingly popular.   Papers and articles are being written, letting the public know the wonders of the quantum field.  I mean we all  know and accept now, we are pure energy in a very real way, nothing but spinning vortexes of condensed energy visible under magnification.  Becoming undeniable, our energetic body is the beginning factor to physical & mental health.
After my healing with this ACTUAL healer, my whole life changed. I learned from other healers as well and continued to self heal.  I fell into alignment and within 2 years my whole life looked different.   I no longer was physically sick, never needed to go back to pills. I lost a lot of people and found my tribe.  I’m proud of myself. I have peace.  I kept following my instinct to find alternative healing.   And I’m still human. I have days when anxiety makes an appearance.  I’m human, I’m subject to the entire spectrum of emotions!  Being a healer doesn’t take away my empathetic ability of connected consciousness.   Empaths have anxiety because shits’ messed up!  And we feel it!!!! But it’s now a more useful emotion, and I now have all kinds of loving ways to soothe myself.   It only stays for a couple days, usually so mild only my mother can tell.   And I have peace through the storm now, knowing I have the power to love, soothe, and heal myself.   “Ill be fine in a few days” I remind myself, and I use my anxiety as an excuse to take a vacay.  Its become almost enjoyable!  Being an energy medicine practitioner doesn’t take away my humanness.   It helps me be human.   It helps me cope with this very unnatural harsh reality, this dimension we humans have made such a mess of.  It keeps me healthy and centered so I can be of service and help out in this world.   Its also helped me find & live my best life.   I didn’t say perfect.  I said My Best.   My personal best.  I’m grateful I learned to accept my humanness, rather that mask it with pills or “pink hearts” and fake smiles. I share this because I know how debilitating an imbalanced mind is, how exhausting it is, how it limits your life.   And I just want you to know
There are others ways to soothe the mind    Simpler, more enjoyable ways of healing.   But you have to relax and let yourself believe it.     This is step one   Because whether you think you can, or you think you cant, you’re right🖤


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